Going through the youtube rabbithole and looking at all my archived and privated videos like damn time flies . okbyee

 

Life lately - waking up at 7 am and out of the house by 8:30am for breakfast before work. I like the stability of routines and I guess I am a morning person now, and I get sleepy by 11. This year I find myself appreciating the little things - now even more than ever. A good book, a restful 8 hour sleep, a productive work day, constructive conversations with people.

gosh I am beginning to realize writing a meaningful blog post is such a daunting process. I always say it feels like threading on the fine line between privacy and oversharing. Im not talking about shallow posts like 'what is in my bag' and something along that line, but more to the nitty gritty conversations that can sometimes be hard to talk about. 

I know in the grand scheme of things no one really cares, no one really reads and takes the time to analyze what I write. But.. writing down feelings in a public space as a very private person feels naked. Although I dont really talk about feelings and stuff. But I could. But I just cant bring myself to do it here. Or with just anyone.

And I guess its such a shame because I feel like I do have a lot to talk about that I think can help other people ( loll if there are even people reading this besides my two friends) but I just simply cant. I know this doesnt make sense but I often feel like a walking contradiction. This is why the art of small talks does not come naturally to me, but silver lining is I get to practice it here. Stay tuned, my next post will probably be about my daily makeup or a day in my life. 

Coffeeshop

I met myself in a coffeeshop today

She just turned 18

I turn 28 in a few months 

Both of us sitting with our matcha lattes, punctual to the dot. Her with a book and me with my kindle. We studied each other for a while and I noticed with a smile how some things remain the same, even after so much have happened. 

I could see her staring at my ring, she told me she cant wait to experience falling in love with her husband. I excitedly told her to be patient because its like having a forever sleepover with your bestfriend. 

She asked about married life and a lot of questions about her future partner. I laughed and told her that she already met him from years ago. 

She dont know what to do with her life, I told her we are lucky to be doing what we love everyday. She told me she struggles with anxiety every night because the future is so uncertain, I smiled and told her the future is bright, and is unfolding in the right timing. And no, it has been years since I have insomnia, we sleep pretty soundly at night now. 

I look at her and see all the naivety, the belief that the world is always a good place and everyone is good at its core. I dont say anything because she desperately needs that character development to be where I am right now. I tell her I know all the silent battles she faces. 

She tells me she always second guesses her decision and I told her I've never been more comfortable and sure with my life choices. She says she misses her family back at hometown and I told her to enjoy university life abroad to the fullest, because in a few years time we get to go home everyday anytime we want. 

She excuses herself and said she is late for her sister dinner date at a sushibar in Sydney, I laughed and told her little did she know, we will be closer than ever while navigating life. 

US diaries

Here goes a bit of snippets from my US trip. I did prioritize video over pictures so there is not much to see, and my camera battery shut down in LA.. but anywayssss. This trip was so special to me, I have always wanted to visit the states since years ago, and I have heard a lot of good stories about it too. 

The MET

Central Park - one of my bucketlist

Prettiest terrace, reminded me of Chuck and Blair 

Good, but not the best

Pretty brooklyn

"One Iced Nola with oatmilk pleaase"

First shot of nyc in wall street at -18 degrees, cold cold shaky hands 

Katz Delicaseen, from when Harry met Sally, worth every bite

My friend bakes better cookies that is harder to get than Levain and I am not biased about this

5 trips to magnolia bakery just for the banana pudding - #love

Chicago - such a pretty and windy city 

Not captured - LA, the best part of the trip. My friends and I, we like to joke how nice it would be, living in LA. Sipping our oat based matcha boba from urth caffe while heading to our pilates session in our aloyoga fits. Hiking on the weekends, shopping in beverly hills and eating boiling point for dinner. 

love life laugh

A trip to remember ‪‪❤︎‬

On wedding prep

I got married this month (December) but I officially began compiling inspiration a little more than a year ago. I know I dont work well in high pressure situation, so I started early. Creating mood boards was one of the best process of wedding planning. Looking back, its funny how preferences or style can change is just the span of a year. I know I am going to look back and think of my wedding a lot, so let this be a post for future reminisce's sake.  And yes, I create detailed moodboards for all my vendors so there is no communication issues :)

The original decor -main hues of blush pink,  roses and hydrangea, with garden statues, hanging chandeliers and bright light. 

Final decor - chandelier and flowers stayed but changed my mind to a dark ambience, with sage green as the main color pallette. Simply because I got bored with pink this year.

Morning look plan - wanted to go for something sleek and timeless with a hint of lace and pearls.

'Most ardently' because I love pride and prejudice. 

Bridal robe plan - flowy and comfortable but still romantic 

Final choices - 2 weeks prior to my wedding date I decided to go for long sleeved lace gown instead. Some people thought I got the inspiration from Kate Middleton (yayy!) but actually, I wanted to go for something that looks like 'kebaya'. Something polite and a bit traditional for my morning procession with my family and loved ones. My final veil reads "long live all the magic we made"

I knew I wanted a flower 3D fabric from the start. And I wanted pink peonies for my night reception. 

Fun fact - I almost set my wedding theme to Swan Lake (hence, the headpiece and ballerina themed dress).

Invitation proposal before I changed the theme yet again to sage green

In the end, everything just came together perfectly. In lovee with my wedding dress fabrics, the way it hugs my body perfectly, but most of all the way I am relatively comfortable throughout the day. 

Officially saying goodbye to this bridal era, and now embracing my wifey lifey lol. 

on forever

No one really talks about the inevitable 'emotional maturity' you have to go through the day you decided on forever. Small but significant moments that reminds you things will never be the same again, no matter how much you wish it to be. The time you pull out a brand new planner for 'wedding prep', was when things felt real. The moment you realize this is the last birthday spent under your family roof, the last few times you get to see your pets greeting you every morning, the last few months/weeks/days of nightcaps with dad. The last of everything, a chapter coming to an end. Back then (and honestly until today) I felt the ache of that loss tremendously. 

That sense of familiarity and comfort,  how many times have I taken that unconditional love for granted?

Just a quick disclaimer - I tend to be sentimental and I feel things too deeply. So any type of 'goodbyes' always tend to hit me hard. I know a lot of people who goes through life phases and transitions so easily, unlike me who has to take some time to process and adjust. Most people might feel like its no big deal, that I am crying over nothing, but what can I do, right.. no matter how much I try to avoid it, Its just in my dna to over feel. I have not decided yet if this is a blessing or a curse but one thing for sure - this is why I am so highly selective of the people I care about, that I dont easily let people in. That its not easy for me to love someone. I simply dont have the emotional capacity for it. 

 

In a sense, I cannot control how I overfeel, overlove, overthink, but at least I have a say in the who/what/why. And even then, looking back I think not all of them is worth it. 

 But, as mentioned on this post, I like where I am now, who I am becoming. I keep repeating this but as I get older I just prioritize peace over everything else. And of course this mindset just comes so handy all the time.