No one really talks about the inevitable 'emotional maturity' you have to go through the day you decided on forever. Small but significant moments that reminds you things will never be the same again, no matter how much you wish it to be. The time you pull out a brand new planner for 'wedding prep', was when things felt real. The moment you realize this is the last birthday spent under your family roof, the last few times you get to see your pets greeting you every morning, the last few months/weeks/days of nightcaps with dad. The last of everything, a chapter coming to an end. Back then (and honestly until today) I felt the ache of that loss tremendously.
That sense of familiarity and comfort, how many times have I taken that unconditional love for granted?
Just a quick disclaimer - I tend to be sentimental and I feel things too deeply. So any type of 'goodbyes' always tend to hit me hard. I know a lot of people who goes through life phases and transitions so easily, unlike me who has to take some time to process and adjust. Most people might feel like its no big deal, that I am crying over nothing, but what can I do, right.. no matter how much I try to avoid it, Its just in my dna to over feel. I have not decided yet if this is a blessing or a curse but one thing for sure - this is why I am so highly selective of the people I care about, that I dont easily let people in. That its not easy for me to love someone. I simply dont have the emotional capacity for it.
In a sense, I cannot control how I overfeel, overlove, overthink, but at least I have a say in the who/what/why. And even then, looking back I think not all of them is worth it.
Back on 'emotional maturity', I think Ive always been sheltered all my life. And the past few years, getting out of that comfort zone has been a hard ride. The feeling that I am truly on my own now, the urge to work on self growth becomes compelling. But, as mentioned on this post, I like where I am now, who I am becoming. I keep repeating this but as I get older I just prioritize peace over everything else. And of course this mindset just comes so handy all the time.
