Daring greatly

 

Entering one of the happiest and most transformative chapters of my life.

Amidst the anxiety, the endless “Am I doing this right?”, the sleepless nights, and all the babysitter dramas, I somehow met a version of myself I’m genuinely proud of. All those years of 'doing the work', sitting down and being accountable with feelings, reading loots of self development books, learning, growing, and now.. I can finally see it. It’s showing in the way I think, the way I love, the way I handle the hard days, and the person I’ve become.

As a baby photographer, newborn life has never been unfamiliar to me. I’ve spent years surrounded by newborns and hearing my clients’ stories, but experiencing it for myself is an entirely different story. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I am soooo grateful for mine. so, so grateful I cant even express it into words.

I have never loved anyone the way I love my daughters. I would do anything for them. I feel like the old version of me has quietly disappeared, and in her place is someone stronger and more grounded than ever.  The love, the lows, the joy, the exhaustion. everything comes at full force and I am still getting used to this.  It has been a learning journey, trying to let myself be vulnerable and truly feel joy without being anxious of it being taken away.  I can be fully present in the beautiful moments without needing to protect myself from the possibility that they might end. I am learning to let myself feel more, care more, hope more without being afraid of the other shoe to drop. I have been reading Brene Brown's 'Daring Greatly' and it has been eye opening for me, just how much I relate to every single chapter. 

Maybe this is another part of the work: learning not just how to survive the challenging moments like ivf and bedrests , but how to fully receive the good ones like now. 

A new chapter

                    There is something about newborn life that makes time feel almost cruel.

Today, I looked at my seven-day-old daughters and suddenly realized that their faces have already changed. It has only been a week. A week ago, I was meeting these little faces for the very first time, memorizing every tiny detail even in my *fly state from the epidural* .. the shape of their noses, their sleepy eyes, the little creases in their skin. And somehow, in just a few days, they already look a little different.

I cried because I know this is only the beginning. 

Everyone tells you that newborns change quickly, but I don't think you really understand it until you're staring at your own babies and realizing that the version of them you saw yesterday is already gone. And how I want to remember everything. The tiny sounds they make in their sleep. The way their fingers curl around mine. Their little stretches. Their milk-drunk faces. The way they look when they're searching for comfort. Even the things that feel ordinary right now. Because one day, I know I'll look back at photographs of these first days and ache for the babies they were. And already, I miss who they were a few days ago.

Motherhood is beautiful, but there is something just heartbreaking about loving someone through every version of them while knowing you can never keep a single one. Maybe this is why I got into photography, so I can preserve moments and keep them close to heart forever. For the longest time last year, I wondered why things had to happen the way they did. Why IVF. Why the waiting, the uncertainty, the fear, the exhaustion. Why this particular pregnancy. On hard days during pregnancy, even though I hate to admit this, I sometimes wonder, "why two babies?".

And now I look at my daughters and somehow, all of it feels connected. Every choice I made, every turn my life took, every difficult season I went through somehow led me here. I don't know if I believe that everything happens for a reason, Im usually not that dreamy. But looking at my girls, it is hard not to feel like every road was leading me to this veryy moment. 

I’m not usually a feelings person. But a week of motherhood has re-ignited something in me that I thought was lost forever. Since pregnancy, I feel like I have unlocked a new version of myself with every stage. Being pregnant changed my body, but it also changed the way I see and process everything. It made me more emotional. More aware of time. More present. More vulnerable. I still dont know if that is a good thing, and probably not. If anything, it makes me feel weak and defenseless because without my usual emotional wall, I feel powerless. Im so used to having a detached demeanor, I love how not a lot of things can faze me because Im simply not an emotional person. I dont feel a lot, and I guess adulting hardens you like that, you learn that not a lot of things is worth worrying over. I was not even nervous for my csection, or when I had my cerclarge surgery. I honestly dont remember the last time I got emotional or overthink over anything - my mantra is basically just try my best and 'so be it'. 

 

But now Im a person who cries just because her babies' faces have changed in a week :) 

 life lately ; navigating big emotions, new milestones and nourishing my body to grow life

Since I hardly link this page anywhere, it’s always pleasantly surprising to notice steady visitors in my statistics. I prefer to think that those who stumble upon this page do so for a reason .. not to pry into my life, as I rarely share personal stuff, but to gain a new perspective from another human being. 

So with that, I thought I’d share my 5 pregnancy rating. Rated in difficulty level.

1. IVF - 4/10 because the whole process turned out to be more straightforward and easier than I expected. With the exception of egg retrieval process because that was one experience I would not wish on anyone. I would say the most emotionally draining part of IVF was the waiting game. 

2. Morning sickness - 1000/10 it was all day sickness 24/7, felt a lot like losing myself and being trapped in my own body. It made me think about how incredibly tough this experience must be for people who didn’t plan for pregnancy. I had to pause work, cancel plans with friends, and all day all week for months I couldn’t eat without vomiting. I was later diagnosed with HG, which eventually landed me in the hospital for three days of IV drips just to recover. I genuinely hope TM2 will be much better for me

3. Unsolicited advice from people gets a 1/10 from me. We are entitled to our own opinions and if its coming from someone I dont feel close to personally, I don’t care much about it and I don’t let it affect me.

4. Fatigue and energy levels were about 6/10. For a few weeks, I really struggled to function normally or wake up early. I’m usually not someone who takes naps, but during that time I couldn’t help it. It made me feel quite unproductive and strangely empty.

5. Trying to find comfortable clothes was about 5/10 in difficulty. My usual clothes slowly stopped feeling comfortable in the stomach area, so I had to start looking for pieces that were softer and roomier.

.from the archives

A few years back, I read Michelle Obama’s Becoming, and I remember a chapter touching on the topic of infertility . I breezed through the pages without giving it much weight, still blissfully unaware that in the near future her words would hit much closer to home. 

Back then, standing inside my own version of that experience, I truly understand how isolating it can feel. So much of it happens quietly and alone. I dont feel like oversharing so I wont dwell on too much details, but I try to meet the chapter with as much grace as possible ... But I remember thinking what a privilege it is to live in a modern world where challenges like this no longer feel like the end of the road. I don’t take it for granted, ever. 

And now, with all my dreams answered and waiting period over, I find myself in a new kind of disbelief

The very thing I once longed for is now quietly unfolding inside me, and somehow, I’m still unprepared and overwhelmed by it. No one really talks about this part. The part where joy and fear sit side by side. And yes, the nausea. The pure never-ending exhaustion that feels like it seeps into my bones. The way somedays I dont feel like myself at all anymore. Hobbies on halt, creative work on pause, favourite foods gone. The guilt of feeling so awful and 'negative' instead of being grateful. The loneliness because none of my close friends are at the same stage of life. 

Some days I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Other days I’m overwhelmed, period. But that is life, it comes in seasons and right now that might be nesting and resting for me before the chaos. right now Im just allowing myself to feel every emotions with as much steadiness as I can find. 

on another note, it truly surprised me even after long stretches of not updating this page, my views are still consistent as ever. 

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There is something special about a kitchen in the morning light that feels sacred. The kind of special that welcomes you with the smell of something warm on the stove, with the promise of good food and even better conversations.

I had one of those days today, catching up with a long distance friend. Instead of rushing through plans, we stayed in. And we talked. 

I’m not sure why something so simple lingered with me that I have to blog about it, but it did. Maybe that’s the point. Connection doesn’t have to be loud or flashy to matter. Sometimes the quietest moments leave the deepest impression.

If I have 5 lives

 In my first life, I would give myself the permission to chase my passion fully. I’d be a freelance photographer specifically based in Paris, living in a small but bright and airy apartment with tall windows that let in lots and lots of morning light. I’d spend my days wandering cobblestone streets with a camera around my neck, learning how to capture chemistry of couples and just the soul of a city in every frame.There would be wine at breakfast if I felt like it, croissants still warm from the boulangerie across my apartment, and afternoons spent editing photos in a cozy café or room balcony. I’d dedicate this life to build a name for myself, to sharpen my craft every single day. No other obligations but this. In this life, my heart would belong fully and truly to the pursuit of honing my art. Maybe I would learn to embody the art of slowing down and just be, because this life does not revolve around fixed schedules or productivity. 

In my second life, I would dedicate myself to the journey of traveling. I would be a digital nomad, wandering the world with no ties, no attachments, no responsibilities or connections anchoring me in one place. No guilt of disappearing for years in the journey of learning new cultures. In this life, every day would be a discovery. I’d collect pieces of culture the way I would usually collect makeup or fashion, because in this life I dont focus on how I look like and what I wear. I wouldn’t cling to people or places, just a solo traveller enjoying broadway shows, hiking mountains, learning new traditions, surfing the seas, exploring famous cafes and eating new dishes everyday. And in that true sense of detachment, I find my freedom.

In my third life, I would be a girl like Jonna Jinton - ethereal, grounded in nature, and living in the beautiful woods in the north of Sweden. Somewhere so far away from cities, somewhere the stars still burn bright against the night sky and the seasons shape the rhythm of life. My days would be simple. I’d wake to mist rolling over the forest and walk barefoot in the morning light through dew-soaked grass. I would have a farm to table concept, collect my own honey and fruits, and adopt an old dog as my companion. I would study the stars and connect deeply with the woods. Evenings will be filled with the sound of fire crackling in a humble cottage, a book in hand, under the bedsheets while rain pours down by the window. (think: twilight saga vibes). Solitude wouldn’t feel like loneliness, but a special kind of intimacy with the universe itself. I would create art and music not for recognition, but as an outlet. In this life, I would be my highest spiritual and grounded self and dedicate time to study about legends and myths and folklore. 

In my fourth life, I would choose stability. Just a quiet, steady life built on love and family. I would live in a sunlit holiday beach house every summer (like tsitp), with hydrangeas and windows always open to the sea breeze. Where the sound of waves would be the backdrop to our days. The house itself would feel like a sanctuary.  Only on this life, I would be a wife, mother, daughter, friend. I would have something anchoring me to a place. I would have people depend on me. This life would not be about chasing the extraordinary, but about cherishing the ordinary: from morning coffees to heartfelt dinners, the comfortable routine of life. It would be a life of connection, surrounded by friends and families, going for weekly brunches and gatherings. Safety and stability runs the rhythm of this life. 

But we don’t have four extra lives to live, and  I only have this one ..  this life where all those dreams collide and merge into each other. This is the fifth life I am living, a combination of the four lives I yearn for but never quite experiencing the whole scope of it. I taste a little of each dream but never the whole. And sometimes, the potential of it hurts. But to dedicate and align my life to just one of those four paths would mean tearing away pieces of the others, sacrificing the fragments I hold now ; the friendships, the adventures and lessons, the small milestones I’ve built. And I cannot do that. 

But maybe this is what life is: never perfectly what we want, but pieces of everything we long for, a kaleidoscope of things that makes up who we are and what our lives will be like. A patchwork of my dreams combined and strung into this tapestry.

And maybe in this life, (quoting Hannah Montana), I will get the best of b̶o̶t̶h̶ four worlds.

On life in the late twenties

They say something changes when you start to leave your early twenties behind. A shift in mindset, the sudden realisation of "this doesnt align with me anymore". There is just somehow less uncertainty and less experimenting. Now that I am approaching late twenties, the pace feels different. Let me try to make sense of it all and compartmentalize through writing. 

1. Growth is not measured by how much I can do anymore

But rather, how aligned I feel with my own values.  And with that- another challenge is to first identify my own values. In my early twenties I realise I unconsciously borrow values from peers, cultures, conditioning. But now I often find myself thinking - what do I truly feel about this? What actually matters to me, beyond expectation and noise? What kind of person do I want to be?  This search does not come overnight. It took lots of selfhelp/educational books, long stretches of quiet thinking, conversations with like minded friends, podcasts from people I admire and strive to be, and years of trying to separate who I truly am from what ive been unconsciously performing. It is a long game and I am still in it.

2. Boundaries are a form of self- respect

A recent conversation with a friend (hii K) made me realize just how much Ive unconsciously allowed people to step over boundaries in the past - and to be honest even until today im struggling with this. It wasnt always intentional and I dont always realise this. But tldr I no longer feel guilty about stepping back when something doesnt sit right with me, or call people out when I feel boundaries are crossed. Self love sometimes mean distance, and that is okay! Its never about bitterness, just protecting my peace. I used to think I needed a wide circle but more than ever, I feel like a few close genuine friends are more than enough. 

3. Healing is messy 

Do I sound entitled if I talk about healing? After all, my life is more than fine, I live pretty comfortably,  I havent gone through any big visible traumas.. But here is the thing - we are all human. And being human means facing life challenges, disappointments and even unconscious wounds that quietly shape us. I think almost everyone has been through a situation that causes psychological or physiological impact, no matter the extent. And it is important to go thread carefully and be intentional with what you decide to do. 

That is what I meant by 'healing'. Its not about escape trips or soundbaths or meditation apps (lol says me who just went on a healing trip doing exactly this). It is not escaping reality and going to a new environment where there is no triggers. Most of the time its just messy and unglam. It looks like sitting with ugly feelings, confronting the parts and patterns of myself I would rather avoid and owning up to my bad traits. It means sitting down with a trusted friend and asking for unbiased, straightforward truth. It means continuously working on silent battles, and by doing so I return to my values. How do I want to go by this challenging situation ? In my case I ask myself, "What would Michelle Obama do?" 

But the thing is, I never let a bad messy situation gain the upperhand. In the end I always win. There is always something to gain, something to learn out of a bad day. The things I lost in the journey of healing, i gained tenfold with something that aligns to me. When you face problems head on, you go out from healing stronger and wiser and it made all the messiness of it all feel somehow worth it? 

4. The value of privacy 

Only because in my teenage years to early twenties I often shared so much of myself without even thinking about it - sometimes even with the people who hadnt really earned that level of closeness. 

There was a time I thought openness meant connection, but now I realize not everyone needs access to that. Energy is so expensive and as you get older, you just get tired of expanding it so easily to just anyone. 

And to be honest, I dont really wish for connection in the way I used to. I am perfectly content with the ones I have now. I no longer need to be understood by many, because my inner circle is more than enough. Truthfully, I never cared being misunderstood by people who does not affect my life in any meaningful way. Their ignorance is of no consequence to me heh

 And life feels richer this way ; when dreams grow in silence, healing happens in quiet, milestones are celebrated without being broadcasted, and relationships thrive without outside noise. 

On fragrances

Current obsession - collecting perfumes ; I love exploring how different notes evolve on the skin, how fragrances can shift with mood and style. I love the concept of perfume being an invisible signature, but most of all I love how they preserve moments and memories (at least for me). One inhale can bring back a specific time in life, be it good moments or bad memories. Im not one to keep photos or dwell on the past, but perfumes are different. Somehow, each bottle is a chapter of my life preserved forever. 

2016 - Victoria secret's (love is heavenly) and (bombshell) my first ever perfumes - smells like a summer garden with mandarin blossom, blackberries, peonies and a whole bunch of flowers. I remember using bombshell only for evening outings. These scents reminds me of my earlier Sydney days. Weekends were carefree, weekly brunches in bondi beach after morning walks, moving in and living alone with no friend group yet. Navigating the loneliness that seems to exist only in the early days of uni, when everything is new, everyone is a stranger and the school just feels so big and unfamiliar. To be honest, I cant stand the smell now. 

2017/18 - Marc Jacobs (Daisy Eu so Fresh) (Daisy), Dior ( Blooming Bouquet) (Miss dior cherie) - these few scents smells like the later years in sydney - cinemas with my sister, shopping at mecca, sleepovers at her apartment. It also reminds me of something special - the beginning of my relationship with my husb. Marc Jacobs were gifted by my sister as my birthday gifts and for two years it was my daily companion. From first dates to midnight malas and fancy anniversaries. I remember thinking life was so good! I came across Dior perfume at Myers and bought it on a whim just because it reminds me of the miss dior ad in paris directed by sofia copolla. I use it sooo sparingly. 

2019/20 - Annick Goutal ( Le Jasmin Goutal), Versace (Bright Crystal) - Honestly, not a lot to talk about these perfumes. Not my favourites, and did not really remind me of anything. This was the year I did not really pay attention to my fragrance collecting. It was the year I was busy with starting a new job, being involved a new business and re-navigating life back at home. Being proactive in work and starting something new, being out of my comfort zone. I do remember really liking the Versace one at one point - with notes of yuzu, pomegranate and musk, it feels different from the ones I usually use. Honestly at the top of my head 2019 feels like a blur.. just a lot of adapting, growing, planting seeds and lots of challenges in work. 

2021/23 - Hermes (Twilly), Giorgio Armani (Si) - Another year of random purchases, just because one is the 'it perfume' at the time, and the other was endorsed by Cate Blanchett. I also explored a lot of local brands but none really felt right. 

2024/25 - Dior (Jadore) (Rose Kabuki) , Jo Malone ( Wild Bluebell) (Sage and Sea salt) (Peony and Blush Suede), 

Replica (Flower Market) - The year I re-ignited my fragrance collection hobby and was more intentional in choosing perfumes. Intentional in everything (its a work in progress but im proud of where I am right now).  Also the year I got engaged, became a wife and started gravitating towards clean and fresh fragrances - although I still cant get away from floral notes. In a few years I will look back and know exactly what these scents represent. 

I still dont have a signature perfume, and that is exciting for me - it only means I still have a lot to explore. 

Or maybe I will continue this tradition, one perfume for each milestone ❤️

On softer days

Took a much needed escape ; just saltyy skin, the bluest skies above and the sound of waves. 

Sun, salt, silence on repeat. :)

1.  On 'Soundhealing and breathwork'

Something that Ive been meaning to try for a long time, and I finally did it! Ive always been fascinated by how sound and breath (something so simple and fundamental) can somehow have a huge impact on our state of mind. The practitioner mentioned that this practice is simply a gentle invitation to tune inward - to align, to recharge. In his own words, "healing does not need to be complicated. "

I read a lot about people being on altered state of consciousness during these sessions. But for me?  I just fell asleep almost immediately. It was an 8 AM session and I was already sleepy to begin with, and once the gong hits and the bowls started singing, my body took it as a cue to switch off. 

Later after the session, we calculated my personal chakra based on my date of birth. 

2. On letting the day flow 

The simple magic of waking up without a plan. Having meals only when hungry, no appointments, no to-do lists, swimming or reading or walking when I feel like it. Switching off social media and just be in the present moment. Not everyday can be like this, but sometimes the most productive thing you can do is to do nothing at all. 

3. On Re-reading favourite books

There is a certain comfort in returning to a book that you have read. I dont know how to explain it, but when a story is that well written, it grows with you. The book I gravitate to again and again is The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - not because of the plot, but because of how much depth it reveals every time I read it. Its just one of those stories that stays with me for a long time, kept me thinking and reflecting on a lot. I guess you just have to read it to know what I mean. 

In a lot of ways Evelyn Hugo reminds me a lot of Taylor Swift. And that in itself earns a place in my top 5 favourite book ( this is a high praise from me because I read a LOT).  

Reading your favourite book, sunbathing by the pool, with no other obligations?

Heaven. 

bali 25

Days when normal schedules takes a backseat, and life slows down 

Here is to making time for many, many more days like this

Dopamine menu

If anyone ask me what my best investment in life is, it comes down to this : My camera, my kindle, my health, my relationships, and my education. My recent re-read of Ikigai made me realize the art of intentional living and investing on doing what fulfils you. More than that it made me appreciate just how lucky I am to already know my passion.

 All of my friends know I have this love for photography and cinematography since elementary. I dont do it for money or recognition, it doesnt even really matter if it gets views or not - its simply one of the activities that make me lose track of time.. and I somehow feel like I have a purpose. I guess my love for documentation applies to this blog too. I dont really know why I blog, I just know I enjoy it and i feel it forces me to be grammatically smarter.

My kindle. Another investment that I always recommend to my friends. I know reading isnt everyone's go-to way to unwind.. but reading is so underrated . I fall into the trap of doom scrolling way too often and I like to replace it with reading - at least it is productive, and it slows you down. It helps me sleep and wind down at night. I learn without even trying. I get to escape life for a while. It makes me emotionally smarter. It makes me a more knowledgable human and its cheaper than therapy. 

Investing on health, relationships and education goes without saying. It is something that I am still working on (especially health-wise) but I am not rushing the process. After all, this is not a quick fix but a lifetime shift. 

My goal is to create this natural, sustainable flow of life, much like the essence of ikigai 

On a completely unrelated note here is a list of my current dopamine menu :

1. Going to bed early with a good series ready ( Current watch : We were liars)

2. Matcha 

3. Weekly Pilates session

4. Friends recommending me new thrillers for my kindle

5. Exciting montessori lesson plans for the month 

6. When your purchased vitamins finally arrived in the mail

7. Finding old phones from yearss ago and discovering you are not the same person anymore (in a good way)

8. Maison Margiela's Flower Market - LOVE anything with tuberose

9. Capturing a work concept that aligns with my photography style and personal brand 

Behind the veil

What the Wedding industry teaches about people .

I spent a good part of this morning swapping horror stories with a friend who is even deeper in the wedding industry. This is what triggered me to write this post, because I do have a lot of thoughts about this. On the surface, it may seem like a world of glittering gowns, tiaras, perfect flower installations and fairy tale moments - but we all know things are not always as they appear. Behind the scenes, it is a high stress environment that reveals the very core of human behavior. 

If your work coincides the wedding industry environment like me, you are exposed to all kinds of people. You get to see how differently people handle the same intense situations. It is a unique glimpse to humanity at its best and at its worst. Expectations run high, emotions are heightened. Some handle it with grace but there are others whose maintained facades begin to crack.  And this is what you learn : Stress doesnt create character - it reveals it. Its not easy to witness but it is a deeply humbling experience. Someone can appear so demure and polite until placed in a high stress environment.

As a bride myself last year who has gone through the whole wedding planning thing, I often wonder why some people pour so much effort into making everything perfect for guests - obsessing over napkin colours, seating charts, entrance songs .. honestly, what is the big deal in all of this? I dont mean putting meticulous care and detail into one of the most important day of your life. I meant crying over a small hiccup and blowing it out of proportions just because things dont go 100% the way you planned.

If things did go wrong, SO BE IT. it is what it is as long as you did your best in the planning. That is what I did.. from doing detailed research, dedicating a lot of time to go through moodboards and vendors, trusting the right organizer, putting effort into making sure the day is enjoyable for me and my husb. Then I sit back and let it all flow without expectations.

What good is a flawlessly executed ceremony if the couple themselves forgets to cultivate peace of mind, respect and unconditional love in the days that follow? The more energy we spend trying to impress others, the further we drift from inner calm and emotional connection that truly sustains a marriage. Why cant people just see this? 

After all, the best weddings are not the most extravagant, but they are the ones where love feels real, when joy is shared. 

When "I do" is not performative, but a sacred promise. 

Writing all of this down I know I might come across like a know it all or judgemental. But I dont care. These are my honest opinion on weddings and I am entitled to mine.  Not only weddings but life in general. Its frustrating  and a turn off for me to watch someone else nitpick or stress about such insignificant matter..I know everyone has their own way of dealing with things but I dont think I can be friends with people who make problems out of nothing. It is exhausting and I am thankful my friends are in the same wavelength and mentality like me. We understand some stress are simply just not worth the energy because life is already complex enough.

You choose your hard, you choose your struggles and challenges . I hope at the end of the day we pick the problems that are actually worth fighting for. Be smart enough to understand that the world does not revolve around us. 

Ending this post on a positive note because it has been exhausting to write, but Ive focused my photography work to revolve around maternity, newborn and beauty sessions.

 No more wedding industries for me, it has been a good character development process but I will just say hobbies are meant to be fulfilling, not work or a burden.

Slice of life 3

Bits from life recently 

slow saturdays

On slow saturdays ; 

no alarms, waking up for brunch, celebrating milestones, enjoying home-cooked good food, going for matcha after, going over life events together, settling down with a new read, doing grocery shopping for the week, family dinners, movie nights with husb, and turning off the lights early. 

Fresh Iced tea on a scorching hot day, at a secluded location hits different

Food also resonates differently

Had our lunch overlooking the garden 

To more slow saturdays ~
 

On wealth that money cant buy

 

The recent read that has been on my mind, exploring the philosophy behind what truly makes a well-lived life. 

Too much of a thing is good for nothing. I like to think of it as 'the art of a balanced life '  

The chapters are short, and the words are simple yet direct . I like how this is a book you can squeeze in 10 minutes a day while having your morning coffee, or like me, in the quiet time before bed. The other day I was catching up with my friends and amidst our discussion we realized how easy it is to fall into the negative cycle trap. When things are just bleak and blahs. Especially the more we grow up the smarter we get and the more we are exposed to real world problems. 

Another revelation - the more stupid you are, the more like-able, happier and care free you become. 

More than anything, I realize a positive mindset is something that we have to practice like a muscle until it becomes second nature. Anything that is worth doing is hard, and this year for me (if you cannot already tell) is all about adulting, doing the work and keeping myself accountable. 

Sometimes I wonder,  why not have school subjects on emotional intelligence? On how to be decent human beings.

If only everyone was taught how to communicate when hurt, how to set boundaries, how to build healthy relationships - the world would be a better place if only school systems are rooted in producing emotionally intelligent humans as opposed to obedient 'workers'.

Anywayssss, in his book Robin Sharma helped me shift my focus from external riches to internal wealth - purpose, peace of mind, health, self growth. I like to think that if you have a beautiful mindset, carry yourself gracefully and find your life purpose - that satisfaction lasts much much longer than buying a new bag. 

The greatest investment is in yourself and building a life that is all rounded, enriching and humbling. 

What truly matters most for an all rounded, wealthy life :

1. Growth
2. Wellness
3. Family 
4. Craft 
5. Money
6. Community 
7. Adventure 
8. Service

Slice of life part.2

Slice of life pt.1

Life lately -  challenging myself to carry my fujifilm everywhere so hopefully this is going to be me, constant with video diaries. Things change so fast in a year..these are the small moments from 'now' that I know I will reminisce in the future.  

Random night thoughts

The thing about getting older (and I mean it the most positive way),  is you become more mindful of what consumes your energy. You start to understand that nothing in life is forever, and everything is just a borrowed experience. Not a lot faze you because it is what it is.. and you sort of adapt to a more pragmatic approach to life. Small moments become significant, everyday predictable routines become comforting. 

Boring is good, boring is great . It is 9 pm as I am writing this post, after a hot shower and clean satin pajamas and skincare. 

I don't know why the concept of 'getting older' gets such a bad rep. For me, Twenties are for hustling, working on yourself and embracing your shadow self, going through heartbreaks after heartbreaks, being vulnerable and easily triggered, dealing with university grade anxieties, not being secure in our own skin. 

Now that my twenties are coming to an end, the dust has settled and I see things more clearly. I guess you reap the harvest that you planted earlier and have the time to wind down and relax for a bit. Confidence comes with experiences and learning what you like and dont like; what you tolerate and wont tolerate, who you want to spend time with vs who is not a match to your values. I realize very little thing is worth my attention, and I don't take things personally anymore. As mentioned above, it is all a borrowed experience. Now I get excited about self growth - as years go by, settling down and living responsibly becomes attractive. 

 But I digress. 

I realize my recent blogposts has an underlying theme - self care, settling down, self growth, easing into a quiet era. But I guess that has been the gist of the priorities of my life. At least for the past few months. 

On a completely different tangent, despite what some people might think from knowing me on a surface level (or reading this blog), I am not the most positive person. But I am not a pessimist either.

 I dont see the glass half full or half empty - its just half a glass of water. 

 I am not the type to believe the world is a good place and filled with good people. Life is not always peaches and cream and I don't pretend to always be the bigger person. 

I dont believe in broadcasting my everyday life on social media (like the norm that it is right now) purely because I dont think its necessary for anyone else to know what I am doing.  * note that the things I post on this blog are never personal. I dont really talk about what is going on in my life .

What I post here are conversations that I am comfortable speaking about, even to someone I recently just met. 

But I also know wholeheartedly that good people exist, because I am surrounded by them and, god willing, will always be surrounded by them. I believe in living intentionally and making the best of whatever life throws at us. To make bad days productive because there are always something to learn out of it.