They say something changes when you start to leave your early twenties behind. A shift in mindset, the sudden realisation of "this doesnt align with me anymore". There is just somehow less uncertainty and less experimenting. Now that I am approaching late twenties, the pace feels different. Let me try to make sense of it all and compartmentalize through writing.
1. Growth is not measured by how much I can do anymore
But rather, how aligned I feel with my own values. And with that- another challenge is to first identify my own values. In my early twenties I realise I unconsciously borrow values from peers, cultures, conditioning. But now I often find myself thinking - what do I truly feel about this? What actually matters to me, beyond expectation and noise? What kind of person do I want to be? This search does not come overnight. It took lots of selfhelp/educational books, long stretches of quiet thinking, conversations with like minded friends, podcasts from people I admire and strive to be, and years of trying to separate who I truly am from what ive been unconsciously performing. It is a long game and I am still in it - learning, reflecting, growing.
2. Boundaries are a form of self- respect
A recent conversation with a friend (hii K) made me realize just how much Ive unconsciously allowed people to step over boundaries in the past - and to be honest even until today im struggling with this. It wasnt always intentional and I dont always realise this. But tldr I no longer feel guilty about stepping back when something doesnt sit right with me, or call people out when I feel boundaries are crossed. Self love sometimes mean distance, and that is okay! Its never about bitterness, just protecting my peace. I used to think I needed a wide circle but more than ever, I feel like a few close genuine friends are more than enough.
3. Healing is messy
Do I sound entitled if I talk about healing? After all, my life is more than fine, I live pretty comfortably, I havent gone through any big visible traumas.. But here is the thing - we are all human. And being human means facing life challenges, disappointments and even unconscious wounds that quietly shape us. I think almost everyone has been through a situation that causes psychological or physiological impact, no matter the extent. And it is important to go thread carefully and be intentional with what you decide to do.
That is what I meant by 'healing'. Its not about escape trips or soundbaths or meditation apps (lol says me who just went on a healing trip doing exactly this). It is not escaping reality and going to a new environment where there is no triggers. Most of the time its just messy and unglam. It looks like sitting with ugly feelings, confronting the parts and patterns of myself I would rather avoid and owning up to my bad traits. It means sitting down with a trusted friend and asking for unbiased, straightforward truth. It means continuously working on silent battles, and by doing so I return to my values. How do I want to go by this challenging situation ? In my case I ask myself, "What would Michelle Obama do?"
But the thing is, I never let a bad messy situation gain the upperhand. In the end I always win. There is always something to gain, something to learn out of a bad day. The things I lost in the journey of healing, i gained tenfold with something that aligns to me. When you face problems head on, you go out from healing stronger and wiser and it made all the messiness of it all feel somehow worth it?
4. The value of privacy
Only because in my teenage years to early twenties I often shared so much of myself without even thinking about it - sometimes even with the people who hadnt really earned that level of closeness.
There was a time I thought openness meant connection, but now I realize not everyone needs access to that. Energy is so expensive and as you get older, you just get tired of expanding it so easily to just anyone.
And to be honest, I dont really wish for connection in the way I used to. I am perfectly content with the ones I have now. I no longer need to be understood by many, because my inner circle is more than enough. Truthfully, I never cared being misunderstood by people who does not affect my life in any meaningful way. Their ignorance is of no consequence to me heh
And life feels richer this way ; when dreams grow in silence, healing happens in quiet, milestones are celebrated without being broadcasted, and relationships thrive without outside noise.
