How to be a bridechilla :)

 I know I am going to be a very chill bride from the start. 

Even when my friends warned me continuously about wedding stress, the 'inevitable big fights' when the pressure gets real, and the amount of responsibilities and planning..  Guess what? so far I have experienced none of that drama, everything just unfolds perfectly. But with that being said, to be a bridechilla you do need to take meticulous planning and effort too. There is no such thing as blind luck or wishing for the best. You work for what you want.

This is what works for me :

1. Start early 

I cannot stress this enough. Do your research early, and know your style. You dont have to decide what you want immediately, but do enough research to know what you dont want. That way, you dont waste time being indecisive. Set a budget, pin point the vendors that you like and voila.. just like that, you have a solid starting point. 

2. Ditch the concept of perfection 

This is a mindset that has helped me stay on the bridechilla track lolll. There is no such thing as perfect wedding. If 'perfect' is your benchmark, you are setting yourself up for failure. Do the best that you can, and just let things unfold. 

3. Know your priorities 

I used to have a wedding wishlist. But as I get older my priorities change, and now I lean more towards convenience and practicality. For instance, I have my heart set out in Paris for my prewedding session , that was one of my priorities and non negotiable he he. The rest I am pretty practical when deciding. 

4. Delegate 

The things that I dont need to manage, I let others manage. This is why investing on a good EO is one of my top priorities. I literally told my EO to just give me a checklist and make sure I am on track.  I cant take credit for being chill, its just that I am good at deciding which task I need to focus on, and letting others handle the rest. In terms of planning the miscellaneous (invitation design, bouquet, entertainment), some might be surprised but I am truly not particular about the type of flowers, the design, the color pallete.. basically I am just open to suggestions. I just go with the flow and once I made a decision I store it away and dont look back. I know the decisions I made will ultimately reflect my personality. However kaleidoscope(d) it might be.

I dont really care for how 'perfect' my wedding is going to be. I'd rather focus on making my big day comfortable and memorable for me rather than for other people - and that itself takes away a lot of pressure. And if things outside my control went outside the plan, then so be it. ( I love this phrase! Ive been using it all the time to the point it drives my friends crazy loll). 

Just remember, Weddings take up only a day of your life, it is Marriage that is worth celebrating.

Penang getaway

first order of business.. dad's favourite restaurant. 

Night walks - this family loves their cardio and getting steps in.

Heavy breakkie - not a breakfast person but everything was 10/10

Cute stalls

More cute stalls

Heavy lunch

Heavy dinner

Did not realise I needed a break until we landed. Sometimes I guess I just need to get a breather and recalibrate to function properly. Now I am back home with full stomach and even fuller heart <3 

side note : my digicam is getting unreliable, I should get a new travel camera 

ruminations

Another year is ending soon. Usually at this time I like to reflect back on the past months. I rarely have any regrets because I trained myself to make conscious choices. And I do believe in the power of writing down your goals - pen to paper or the digital way, whatever floats your boat. Call it manifestation, law of attraction, or even dumb luck..  call it anything you want - but I always somehow tick off the majority of my goals every year.

I like the person I am becoming. I like knowing what and who are my priorities, what I want and dont want out of life. I enjoy being decisive with my life, being intentional with my actions. I am so over the "it is what it is, just go with the flow'' damsel in distress bullshit. You work for what you want.

Life truly gets more peaceful when you are focused on your personal goals, and when you can establish a clear line between what you care and what you dont. You delegate your time more wisely, because the rest is just noise. If you really think about it, life is so simple but humans like complexity. Someone once asked me why I could be so 'laissez-faire' about situations they know they would act out, but I always tell them the same thing - as long as it doesnt cross my personal boundaries, involve the people I care about, or affect my life in any way at all, it is not worth my energy - as simple as that. I like minding my own grass. 

But with that personal development comes a new pet peeve. I am easily exhausted around people who are constantly in low vibrational energy, people who are insecure and negative self talk, who doesnt 'do the inner work' and does not have self awareness, people who checks on other people instead of focusing on their own growth. I guess I can understand we all have bad days and that makes us humans, no one feels their best 24/7, but I think it is important not to fall into the rabbit hole of that negative cycle. 

This is why I never force connections and friendships, I believe we naturally gravitate towards people of the same frequencies. I dont care if I sound arrogant when I say this, but I dont need friendships that is not stemmed from mutual respect, love and sincerity. The ones that does not add value to my life in any way. 

I always tell my closest friends to be mindful of who they spend time with because we are the average of the 5 person we frequently meet. 

What I am trying to say is, based on my own personal experience, doing the inner work (something as simple as figuring out what you want in life and then consciously moving towards that goal) is so worth it. You attract what you think. What you think becomes who you are.  

Above everything else, please just focus on your own life

Nightingale

“If I have learned anything in this long life of mine, it is this: In love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are.”

The book that has been recommended by BookTok so frequently that it has always been in my radar. There is just something about books being on the bestseller list and being hyped over lots of people. While I dont often go for historical fiction, I like established credibility. For me, there are few things better than the feeling of purchasing a book knowing it is going to be a good read. 

Told in different perspectives between two sisters, (one is sensible, quiet and mature while the other young, stubborn, rebellious), this book takes you on a journey from the start of Nazi occupation in France until the liberation by the Allies. It talks about love and sacrifice, resilience and growth. How war brings out the worst in human nature, but also draws out the best. Most of all, it talks about Hope. 

This book kept me up all night, feeling nauseous and hollow, and still kept me thinking long after I finished reading it. With every chapter I could picture so clearly the surrounding and the emotions behind it. I cannot stress how many times I have to pause between chapters just to get a breather and collect my thoughts. 

It is refreshing to get strong female characters, it is even more refreshing to learn about the crucial role women played in the war. 

 

This quote stood out to me : 

”Men tell stories … Women get on with it. For us it was a shadow war. There were no parades for us when it was over, no medals or mentions in history books. We did what we had to during the war, and when it was over, we picked up the pieces and started our lives over”

I just think it is always good to expand our historical knowledge, reading stories that teaches you the real meaning of life. What truly matters when everything is taken into consideration. Sometimes I get so caught up in small things, superficial things, but it is through stories like this that grounds me back. 

on friendships .

 

I had the most random thought today. 

How lucky I am to have people that are always "one phone call away",  no matter the distance, timezone, and situation. And while I am lucky to grow up in a loving family and have a supportive partner, I am specifically referring to friends in this post- people who are not bound by blood, but nonetheless feels like family.

Friendships in your late 20s are weird, because we are all dealing with different life paths. When we no longer share the same routine and stage of life, it gets harder to relate to each other. And its too easy to outgrow connections if both does not put in equal effort to keep in touch, even if we live in the same city but especially if we are in different timezones. 

So let this be an appreciation post to my inner circle, the people who keeps me rooted on my core values, who keeps me laughing when times are hard, people who have continuously proved that unconditional love exist even on a friendship level. 

Life can sometimes be challenging, but it helps to know there are people backing you up and wanting to see you thrive. Thank you for always picking up my phone, for always offering a listening ear when things get too overwhelming and I needed a good cry. For the countless reminder that I am never alone, because in a world full of changes, the friends I have now is one of the constants in my life. But most of all, thank you for calling me out whenever I am wrong, for not judging my life mistakes and my outlook on things, for helping me turn from weak and naive to hopefully someone wayyy smarter and stronger. For making me laugh when I feel like crying (and also crying when I cry HAHA), for being my emotional cheerleader, for just providing a safe space to vent.. the list goes on.

They say to be loved is to be seen, and what a blessing it is, to be able to be unapologetically myself without burden . 

like I said, genuine connections are so rare, and so hard to earn.. I have always believed in quality over quantity. 

I guess I got lucky like that .

September

Goodbye September! 
As productive as this month has been, it has not been my favorite month for a lot of personal reasons. 

 But here is to a better October ahead, may any challenges I face lead to more self growth :) lol

"Life is easier if you are stupid. "

I had this conversation once with a friend, and both of us agreed people who has less awareness than the average - who exists in their own little bubble and is unaware of how their actions impacted others, has it easier in life. 

I swear I am not always as contemplative as my current streak of heavy posts might suggest LOL (I even archived a few recent posts because it feels too deep). I only like blogging when I have something to get off my chest, but afterwards I rarely think of it again once I get it out of my system.

 I like to think of it as something similar to the INFJ doorslam, because while I am all about deep feelings and connections, I find it relatively easy to cut things/people off my life when lines are crossed, especially when I know I have done all that I could. Its just absolute indifference afterwards, no energy to even hold any hatred or grudge. 

I dont like lingering in problems that have no solution.  But it just gives me sick satisfaction to go over every single detail , analyzing it in all angles before moving on from it completely. 

Anyways, I digress. 

Maybe 'stupid' is the wrong word to use, but Ive always admired people who are blissfully ignorant, oblivious to anything but themselves. Sometimes, people really fascinate me. 

What is it like, to live life not thinking about your consequences? What is it like, to exist feeling so entitled like its your world, everyone else is just side characters in it? To live life with no empathy and no self awareness at all, would that be a curse or a blessing? 

The things you learn as you get older

 1. Prioritizing peace over everything.

To be at peace with all that happens and what will happen. To remember that nothing is permanent and I am here to learn and grow. As I get older the more I lean towards a calm and cozy life, filled with good people and the things that truly matter. 

I like the idea of focusing on things that fuels my soul while detaching from situations I cannot control. Life is actually not that complicated. 

I love this quote : "The peace that I am aiming for is worth everything and everyone that I will lose in the process. "

2. You naturally gravitate towards people of the same frequency. You will lose people, but gain even more. 

It does not matter how long you've known this person or how recently acquainted. Early twenties are for exploring and discovering your true self. Your life might be the most volatile at this stage,  dipping your toe here and there, moving countries for degrees, starting a new job, jumping into the dating pool..

When you hit your quarter life, and your prefrontal cortex reaches full maturity at the ripe age of 25 (for most people, some just stop growing altogether), you have a sense of who you are becoming. You know what you like and dont like - what you can tolerate, what sparks joy in your heart, what you look for in a friend and partner.  You start to make solid decisions for yourself instead of being spoon fed by other people's biases. You discover aspects of your personality traits and your own personal principles. 

And you begin to realize, the people you grow up with does not necessarily share the same values in life. And that is completely okay. You will find your people :)

3. SPF is the most important step in your skincare regime

No words needed 

4. At the end of the day, you are on your own. 

I meant this in the most positive and liberating way. You alone decide how you deal with life. You alone can decide the narrative of your story. No one should have the power to affect you mentally and emotionally. No one owes you anything, and you don't owe anyone anything. 

As Taylor Swift likes to say, "you are on your own, kid"

The Law of Detachment comes in handy here ( I know Ive mentioned this so many times but this has been the turning point in my life)

In my personal opinion, it is better to rely on your own two feet, to know that no matter what life hurdles you face, you can get back up. This is why it is important to actually like yourself and make sure the voices in your head is positive. Especially in your late twenties. 

After all, what you think dictates how you will live. 

5. Self care does not mean self sabotage

These days 'self care' has been so over-gratified but the at the same time the pendulum can swing too much it turns to self sabotage. When you sleep in or skip work in the name of 'self care', or you make decisions that gives immediate gratification but have negative outcomes in the long run... is that really self care? or is it more to self indulgent?  Every decisions I made for the betterment of my life has been a decision made from self care. And all of them have been HARD.