Nightingale

“If I have learned anything in this long life of mine, it is this: In love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are.”

The book that has been recommended by BookTok so frequently that it has always been in my radar. There is just something about books being on the bestseller list and being hyped over lots of people. While I dont often go for historical fiction, I like established credibility. For me, there are few things better than the feeling of purchasing a book knowing it is going to be a good read. 

Told in different perspectives between two sisters, (one is sensible, quiet and mature while the other young, stubborn, rebellious), this book takes you on a journey from the start of Nazi occupation in France until the liberation by the Allies. It talks about love and sacrifice, resilience and growth. How war brings out the worst in human nature, but also draws out the best. Most of all, it talks about Hope. 

This book kept me up all night, feeling nauseous and hollow, and still kept me thinking long after I finished reading it. The Nightingale is one of the most atmospherical book Ive read, with every chapter I could picture so clearly the surrounding and the emotions behind it. I cannot stress how many times I have to pause between chapters just to get a breather and collect my thoughts. 

It is refreshing to get strong female characters, it is even more refreshing to learn about the crucial role women played in the war. 

 

This quote stood out to me : 

”Men tell stories … Women get on with it. For us it was a shadow war. There were no parades for us when it was over, no medals or mentions in history books. We did what we had to during the war, and when it was over, we picked up the pieces and started our lives over”

It is always good to expand our historical knowledge, reading stories that teaches you the real meaning of life. What truly matters when everything is taken into consideration. Sometimes I get so caught up in small things, superficial things, but it is through stories like this that grounds me back. 

on friendships .

 

I had the most random thought today. 

How lucky I am to have people that are always "one phone call away",  no matter the distance, timezone, and situation. While I am so lucky and privileged to grow up with a loving and supportive family and partner.

I am specifically referring to friends in this post- people who are not bound by blood, but nonetheless feels like family.

Friendships in your late 20s are weird, because we are all dealing with different life paths. When we no longer share the same routine and stage of life, it gets harder to relate to each other. And its too easy to outgrow connections if both does not put in equal effort to keep in touch, even if we live in the same city but especially if we are in different timezones. 

So let this be an appreciation post to my inner circle, the people who keeps me rooted on my core values, who keeps me laughing when times are hard, people who have continuously proved that unconditional love exist even on a friendship level. 

Life can sometimes be challenging, but it helps to know there are people backing you up and wanting to see you thrive. Thank you for always picking up my phone, for always offering a listening ear when things get too overwhelming and I needed a good cry. For the countless reminder that I am never alone, because in a world full of changes, the friends I have now is one of the constants in my life. But most of all, thank you for calling me out whenever I am wrong, for not judging my life mistakes and my outlook on things, for helping me turn from weak and naive to hopefully someone wayyy smarter and stronger. For making me laugh when I feel like crying (and also crying when I cry HAHA), for being my emotional cheerleader, for just providing a safe space to vent.. the list goes on.

They say to be loved is to be seen, and what a blessing it is, to be able to be unapologetically myself without burden . 

like I said, genuine connections are so rare, and so hard to earn.. I have always believed in quality over quantity. 

I guess I got lucky like that .

September

Goodbye September! 
As productive as this month has been, it has not been my favorite month for a lot of personal reasons. 

 But here is to a better October ahead, may any challenges I face lead to more self growth :) lol

"Life is easier if you are stupid. "

I had this conversation once with a friend, and both of us agreed people who has less awareness than the average - who exists in their own little bubble and is unaware of how their actions impacted others, has it easier in life. 

I swear I am not always as contemplative as my current streak of heavy posts might suggest LOL (I even archived a few recent posts because it feels too deep). I only like blogging when I have something to get off my chest, but afterwards I rarely think of it again once I get it out of my system.

 I like to think of it as something similar to the INFJ doorslam, because while I am all about deep feelings and connections, I find it relatively easy to cut things/people off my life when lines are crossed, especially when I know I have done all that I could. Its just absolute indifference afterwards, no energy to even hold any hatred or grudge. 

I dont like lingering in problems that have no solution.  But it just gives me sick satisfaction to go over every single detail , analyzing it in all angles before moving on from it completely. 

Anyways, I digress. 

Maybe 'stupid' is the wrong word to use, but Ive always admired people who are blissfully ignorant, oblivious to anything but themselves. Sometimes, people really fascinate me. 

What is it like, to live life not thinking about your consequences? What is it like, to exist feeling so entitled like its your world, everyone else is just side characters in it? To live life with no empathy and no self awareness at all, would that be a curse or a blessing? 

The things you learn as you get older

 1. Prioritizing peace over everything.

To be at peace with all that happens and what will happen. To remember that nothing is permanent and I am here to learn and grow. As I get older the more I lean towards a calm and cozy life, filled with good people and the things that truly matter. 

I like the idea of focusing on things that fuels my soul while detaching from situations I cannot control. Life is actually not that complicated. 

I love this quote : "The peace that I am aiming for is worth everything and everyone that I will lose in the process. "

2. You naturally gravitate towards people of the same frequency. You will lose people, but gain even more. 

It does not matter how long you've known this person or how recently acquainted. Early twenties are for exploring and discovering your true self. Your life might be the most volatile at this stage,  dipping your toe here and there, moving countries for degrees, starting a new job, jumping into the dating pool..

When you hit your quarter life, and your prefrontal cortex reaches full maturity at the ripe age of 25 (for most people, some just stop growing altogether), you have a sense of who you are becoming. You know what you like and dont like - what you can tolerate, what sparks joy in your heart, what you look for in a friend and partner.  You start to make solid decisions for yourself instead of being spoon fed by other people's biases. You discover aspects of your personality traits and your own personal principles. 

And you begin to realize, the people you grow up with does not necessarily share the same values in life. And that is completely okay. You will find your people :)

3. SPF is the most important step in your skincare regime

No words needed 

4. At the end of the day, you are on your own. 

I meant this in the most positive and liberating way. You alone decide how you deal with life. You alone can decide the narrative of your story. No one should have the power to affect you mentally and emotionally. No one owes you anything, and you don't owe anyone anything. 

As Taylor Swift likes to say, "you are on your own, kid"

The Law of Detachment comes in handy here ( I know Ive mentioned this so many times but this has been the turning point in my life)

In my personal opinion, it is better to rely on your own two feet, to know that no matter what life hurdles you face, you can get back up. This is why it is important to actually like yourself and make sure the voices in your head is positive. Especially in your late twenties. 

After all, what you think dictates how you will live. 

5. Self care does not mean self sabotage

These days 'self care' has been so over-gratified but the at the same time the pendulum can swing too much it turns to self sabotage. When you sleep in or skip work in the name of 'self care', or you make decisions that gives immediate gratification but have negative outcomes in the long run... is that really self care? or is it more to self indulgent?  Every decisions I made for the betterment of my life has been a decision made from self care. And all of them have been HARD. 

Law of detachment

 

Can I just say how much this has changed my life? 

Somehow everything feels lighter, happier. Living life with no expectations. Understanding that everything is temporary - to just enjoy life as it is. I dont think I am the most spiritual person, but I whole heartedly believe in Karma and Dharma. As long as I am doing my best with good intentions, let the universe decide how everything plans out. I am no longer attached to outcomes and whatnots.

So the life experiences right now.. I will take it as it is because I know it will lead to self growth. I dont take anything personally anymore, and Im never good at holding grudges. I dont think its worth my time and energy, because frankly the INFJ door slam works too well every time. Like I mentioned several times, I am easily hurt, but I move on from situations even more easily. I think the tragedy of life is only when you lose your sense of self, when you base your worth on other people or material stuff.

I know this post dont make any sense. As I am typing this, I am struggling to arrange my thoughts to form cohesive sentences. 

If you get it you get it. Im tired of explaining. 

The thing with the 'Law of Detachment', its either you get it or you dont. I know it seems far fetched and not a lot of people can relate, but you can never control anyone's actions but your own. I guess you have to reach a point in life where you just prioritise self growth and realize everything else is secondary. Just go with the flow of life. What is yours will be yours. What is not yours will find its way out of your life, and that itself is doing yourself a big favour.

Embrace it, and know that the universe is always working in your favour. 

Why joker is my favourite movie

Plot twist - its not. 

In my pursuit to get out of my writer's block I asked a friend to name a random and specific title (word to word) for me to write. What started out as a joking response made me realize I do have a lot to say about this. And since Im not one to shy away from challenges (no matter how stupid it is) , here goes nothing. 

 A disclaimer - I dont read the DC comics universe and it has been ages since I watched Nolan's Batman (as much as I love Heath Ledger). When I talk about the joker, I am specifically referring to Joaquin Phoenix's adaptation. 

I like complex characters. I like analyzing behavior and realizing how things are not always black and white.  I also like movies that makes you think. While the original Joker is portrayed as a psychopathic criminal mastermind, the latest movie turns the table around by adding in several factors into the mix. Crushing loneliness, depression, childhood trauma, mental disorder, outcasted from society. It humanizes Joker and allows us to empathize with him. The longing for connection, the need for validation. 

With the perspective of the movie, drawing you in through empathy for his tragic life, there is a new, proposed reality that somehow his actions .. we can understand where they stem from.

This makes you think :

 '' at the very core, we are social beings with basic instincts and needs. If pushed beyond the edge. every one of us may be capable of great evil". 

Or at the very least it makes me think : "are we all inherently evil? or are we simply the victim of circumstances?".

DISCLAIMER : I still think the Joker is a murderous psychopath. Its just interesting how a movie could somehow extract empathy from the audience by turning narrative of the greatest villain of all time into a misunderstood victim. 

also side note : never asking friends for random post challenges anymore.

highlights

This feels so highschool.  But here goes the highlights of my month

1. Rhythm Class

Did not expect to love Rhythm class this much! Signed up purely from curiosity but stayed for the post workout endorphins. Not a gym junkie or health enthusiast, just beginning to be mindful with what I do and put in my body.

2. Recent read

Not my most recent read but the book that made it to one of the top reads of the year. I have rekindled my love for fiction, to have that feeling when you stay up all night just because you cant put down a good book. 

3. Matcha everything

Matcha Einspanner as my go-to drink every time I catch up with friends. My guilty pleasure! Some foods are just worth all the sin and calories. After all, balance is key he he.

4.  Labubu

Succumbed to buying a Labubu because almost all of my friends have it LOL.  I love it now, I find it cute but I know I might be bored of it in a few months. 

5. Bangkok withdrawals

Girls trip just hits different <3

when our priorities are aligned (read: eating good foods, shopping for clothes - all while looking cute) 

not much itinerary planning is needed.