2/8/18


Every month I make small resolutions and every one of them just gets ticked off one way or another. Ive never been a fan of 'new years' resolution. I think the concept of new year new me is bullshit. You can choose to set goals anytime you want. The idea that you have to wait 365 days to improvise yourself is just ludicrous. But with that being said, this year I am determined to work on self improvement. I think the last two years Ive been the most self-centered Ive ever been. Too oblivious and too ignorant at bigger world problems and stressing too much on unimportant issues.
Ive already planned to treat myself better too this year, starting from prioritising my health (both mentally and physically). This means Im going to eat even more mindfully (since i went off track this holiday) and get back on track with my gym schedule again.
I still hold the belief from last year that I dont want to go through life just for the sake of society's term of success (graduating uni getting a high paying job). I just hate how intelligence is measured on a screwed up grading system. Because in the end examination scores are just an indication of how well a student can memorise terms. I want to actually gain and retain information instead of just passing. Its better for my mental health too, because trying to cram textbooks may help me get good grades but I almost always end up mentally dead and over-caffeinated.
I also aim to be more productive with my time, and to always be mentally present in every situation. Im beginning to distance myself from my phone while having outings with friends,
 and instead of watching korean dramas Ive subscribed to tedtalks and news channels just to make myself more aware of things that matter. Sometimes I feel like there is so much going on in the world and here I am being so self centered and so ignorant.

I guess my resolution this year is to be a better person overall. And to never lose my sense of self no matter what happens in the future. A friend once told me one of my biggest flaw is measuring understanding, love, actions, trust based on how I'd give it out to people, and apparently I am facilitating my own disappointment. Not to mention being unfair to others. Im still trying to understand that everyone has their own unique way of expressions and mindset but Im getting there.

1/31/18


Throwback to shanghai dessert days , I already miss traveling


Missing sydney a little bit too much today






1/24/18


Found this good read just a minute ago
https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/03/40-wonderful-things-that-can-happen-in-a-year/


A lot can happen in a year.
One year can bring about enough changes for a lifetime. One year is enough for you to know yourself. One year is enough to know where your relationship is going. One year is enough to end toxic friendships and one year is enough to make the best out of the next one.
1. You can change the job you hate and find something else you love.
2. You can quit your job and explore the world to find yourself – or lose yourself.
3. You can study something you love and be great at it.
4. You can meet the love of your life.
5. You can end an unhappy relationship or marriage and take back your life.
6. You can change your body and your health.
7. You can change your mind and transform your life.
8. You can quit a bad habit.
9. You can get over someone you never thought you would.
10. You can finally reveal secrets that have been haunting you forever.
11. You can learn from your failures and change them to success.
12. You can learn how to love yourself.
13. You can move to another country and start over or stay in the same place and start over.
14. You can get over your fears.
15. You can finally understand the reason behind your pain.
16. You can fix a broken relationship.
17. You can learn how strong you really are.
18. You can see the person who broke you and not feel a thing.
19. You can finally get the closure you needed.
20. You can laugh at the things that made you cry.
21. You can surprise yourself by doing something you were always afraid of.
22. You can love someone fearlessly and not regret it.
23. You can forgive someone who deeply hurt you and purify your heart.
24. You can restore your faith.
25. You can learn how to believe in yourself.
26. You can learn how to trust your gut.
27. You can take a risk that can change your life.
28. You can help someone selflessly without expecting anything in return.
29. You can find a reason to smile every day.
30. You can create unforgettable memories.
31. You can be an inspiration to someone.
32. You can witness a change in history.
33. You can tell someone how you truly feel about them.
34. You can avoid certain mistakes from happening again.
35. You can bounce back after hitting rock bottom.
36. You can attend an event you only dreamed of.
37.  You can get recognized and acknowledged for something you are really good at.
38. You can meet new people and have life-changing conversations.
39. You can buy yourself something you’ve always wanted but couldn’t afford.
40. You can change your whole life in one year.
One year can determine the rest of your life. You have 365 days to do something extraordinary, achieve a goal, and get much closer to living the life you always dreamed of. A lot can happen in a year and the power is in your hands. TC mark

trippin






Shanghai trip was amazing and I went home with new found appreciation and respect of Chinese culture. But aside from good memories I also went home with a slight migraine from sleep deprivation, anxious thoughts for no particular reason, and a face full of lactose intolerant symptoms from the dairy products (read : lattes, sweets and cakes) I consumed within the last 10 days. After not being sleep deprived and having insomniac nights for so long, it actually reminds me of the time when I sort of hate life, from pulling of all nighters, to getting bad grades and not sleeping at all for days a time (gg my stomach for downing a record of 5 cups of coffee in a day).You get the gist, I wasn't exactly an amiable and positive person.

But right now I can say with upmost certainty that things are ever so slowly falling into places and it is beginning to make sense why certain things didn't work out before. There are times where I wish I could redo some decision, from enrolling to a different uni to not spending so much on the same shade of nail polish, but I dont regret any of my past decisions because all of them led me up to this point.



I am genuinely the happiest Ive ever been, the kind of happy that warms your heart,and makes you want to believe in fairytales. It still feels so surreal to be with someone who feels like home in every possible way. 




1/10/18



If there is anything Ive promised myself to implement in the new year based on experiences from 2017, it is to build my walls even higher and to have less expectations in general. I also made a pact to myself not get attached to anything because good times or bad times, it doesn't matter, all of it will pass. But its equally important to remember its up to us to appreciate what we have while we have them. What Im trying to say is, acknowledge what you have now, things wont be the same in a year. 
Another thing that I learnt last year was to embrace the unknown. For 20 years of my life Ive always liked to play it safe; I love my routines,  I liked knowing what to expect ( I used to own a daily planner just so I could plan out my whole week). But Ive found out the hard way that no matter how dedicated or careful I am with my schedule, things never go as planned. The last few months of 2017 I ditched my planner and started just going with the flow, and so far it has been working great. 
 But the worst issue Ive been struggling with lately is about trust. There was a point a few months ago where I just laughed at how I used to give out trust to people so blindly and willingly. I hate saying this but Ive kind of develop a skeptical approach , and to be honest it has been emotionally exhausting, always expecting the worst to happen, always getting disappointed and further feeling stupid each time I get sad. Its an unnecessary painful cycle and just a while ago I realize that no matter how hard I try, there is no certain way or tell tale signs to truly know to trust a person or not. Trust isnt a feeling, but a conscious decision we make in putting faith in a situation/person regardless of the risk because no matter the outcome, we know we will be okay. I think I am at the point where I am starting to make the conscious effort to start trusting again because I am beginning to see that no matter the outcome, I trust that I will be able to deal with it. 

This is such a nonsense rant I dont know what to make of it

1/9/18


Shoutout to the one who came into my life unexpectedly and make me feel like the luckiest. Its so funny how we've known each other all our lives, were platonic friends for years, tried setting each other up on dates with our friends, and ended up falling for each other in the end. There are still times when I just pause and laugh in disbelief because this is by far the biggest surprise in my life. 

Thank you for being my plus one and for loving me even at times when I am unlovable, 

So thankful that I get to spend the start of the year with my best friend and lover xx


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