4/17/18

Sad songs


One of the piece from my favourite author/poetess 
Poems and novels are not for everyone but speaking for myself, they make me feel less alone or at the very least, understood. Lang leav is one of the authors who managed to capture my feelings perfectly with some of her poems. Her whimsical twist of words and fluid use of language resonates with me in a personal level and evokes some sort of emotion. Some people laugh at my love for reading poetries but little do they know, for me those pretty sentences can offer so much comfort, knowledge and strength in rainy days. 

Here is a food for thought : 

They say stick and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you (or some other rendition of this lol i cbf) but I have to disagree. Words are powerful things. They allow us to share stories and connect with others. Which is why I have respect for authors. But the power of words go beyond that. 
We not only have the power to use it as a tool for destruction, to harm, to manipulate, to abuse, to lie, but also to use it as a means to encourage, to heal, to nurture. To bond. To share. It is ultimately the strongest weapon that we possess. More often that not people have the tendency to misuse this power. At least I realised how words have the power to make you look at yourself a different way and Ive learnt that it is crucial to know yourself better and have more self respect above it all. I used to let how others perceive me affect how I see myself but someone told me to know my worth more. After all at the end of the day we can never control others, how they chose to perceive us, how they chose to act, and it is frustrating. But they dont know your stories and have no rights to judge and assume. What Im trying to say is that everyone is fighting their own battles so we should try to be less judgemental of others. I dont dislike people easily but I honestly cant stand judgemental people.

Baffles me how some people throw seemingly harmless words so easily without giving it a second thought at just how ignorant and self absorbed they sound. But to each their own. 

Im not the sharpest tool in the shed, Im not the perfect straight A student, I dont know what to do in life after uni, I am still constantly exploring my talents, at times this can be so daunting and often leave me feeling worthless as fck. But when we look at ourselves, shouldnt we dig deeper into our cores as a person? To not only validate ourselves based on numbers, achievements, power, grades.
At the very least I try to take pride in myself for always trying to incorporate integrity, unselfishness and fortitude into my character. I have a long way to go but the effort is there and for that I think I should remember to pat myself on the back for once instead of bringing myself down. 

I do take pride in the fact that every actions I never do it out of bad intention or for hurting others. I like how I dont hold grudges, that I forgive easily, that I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, that I still believe everyone is good at heart. Contrary to others beliefs, I dont think its naive or stupid.  I think I deserve to not be so hard on myself because I am always consciously trying to be a better version of myself. That is something worthy to be proud of.
 It is just so important to know yourself and not be affected by how others perceive you. 
Strange how I find it so much easier to write only when I experienced strong emotions. Writing has somehow became an outlet for me to channel my frustration into something relatively productive. I like to see it as a self reflection of my feelings. But most days I still cant seem to figure out the root of my edginess. Today is one of those days where I just feel confused, drained and tired. Mostly I feel tired. And for the first time so burnt out. 

this post dont make sense to me either lmao bye 

4/16/18

Changes



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I take this course called creating social change and up to this point I have never felt so dumb, challenged, inspired, motivated and stupid all at the same time.
It is an eye opening experience and reminder how my life has always revolve around superficial stuff. The course focuses on creating social change (no shit) and each week I get exposed to different real world issues that I was not even aware of in the first place.
 What makes it a humiliating experience is the realization of how my life has been so sheltered all these years. I have always been aware of being privileged and lucky when it comes to living standards but what I was not aware of is how self conceited and oblivious I had been all this time.

3/26/18

In pixels


Cafe parterre

So pretty

Flowers make me so happy 

Ugh
I wasnt kidding about my obsession with affogato

rhubarb tart

Lamb Ratatouille 




Tea time at Vaucluse House

3/20/18


It is funny how I feel like I have known him not too long ago, but somehow still feel like Ive known him all my life. 
I think everyone deserves to have their own safe haven, the calm to their storm, anything that makes them feel like coming back home to a place of warmth and comfort.
 I found mine in a person and my heart is so full it could burst

3/19/18

Monday in pixels

Random dude


My go-to drink now, affogato
Especially in this sydney heatwave 

My mushroom toast with miso butter

Dodo's signature pork katsu sandwich

My love

We talked about law and legislation today. I almost fell asleep

Lecture crash

3/15/18

I am supposed to be working on an essay and an online quiz due soon but instead I am importing pictures from my camera and watching gossip girl in another tab. But oh well here goes

Got myself a free day on thursday and found ourselves on the newport today


My dish : Tofu Udon
Verdict : I actually quite like the dish but the portion is too large for me


His dish : I think it was grilled fish of the day since both of us could not identify the fish


my (well meaning) friends told me I need to work on my resting face because I often come off as arrogant :(

hello 
 




The sweetest hehe

3/13/18


Writing this in uni cafe again after my morning tutorial. It is a wednesday morning and will probably be the heaviest day of the week for me in terms of university but I have a free day tomorrow and the prospect of having a free day to do whatever I want excites me. maybe its the rainy weather, or maybe its the soft instrumental music from the cafe but I am kind of nostalgic today. Every turn and every minute I get reminded of how my daily habits and patterns have changed now. And it just dawned on me how unhappy I was at one stage of my life with myself. I used to take pride on myself for having a good discipline, Ive never liked being anxious and not being able to predict the future scares the hell out of me, it keeps me awake at night. I dealt with that by controlling the things that can be controlled. I hate to mention this but I still struggle with stuff like that. But I guess everyone is a work in progress

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