1/10/18



If there is anything Ive promised myself to implement in the new year based on experiences from 2017, it is to build my walls even higher and to have less expectations in general. I also made a pact to myself not get attached to anything because good times or bad times, it doesn't matter, all of it will pass. But its equally important to remember its up to us to appreciate what we have while we have them. What Im trying to say is, acknowledge what you have now, things wont be the same in a year. 
Another thing that I learnt last year was to embrace the unknown. For 20 years of my life Ive always liked to play it safe; I love my routines,  I liked knowing what to expect ( I used to own a daily planner just so I could plan out my whole week). But Ive found out the hard way that no matter how dedicated or careful I am with my schedule, things never go as planned. The last few months of 2017 I ditched my planner and started just going with the flow, and so far it has been working great. 
 But the worst issue Ive been struggling with lately is about trust. There was a point a few months ago where I just laughed at how I used to give out trust to people so blindly and willingly. I hate saying this but Ive kind of develop a skeptical approach , and to be honest it has been emotionally exhausting, always expecting the worst to happen, always getting disappointed and further feeling stupid each time I get sad. Its an unnecessary painful cycle and just a while ago I realize that no matter how hard I try, there is no certain way or tell tale signs to truly know to trust a person or not. Trust isnt a feeling, but a conscious decision we make in putting faith in a situation/person regardless of the risk because no matter the outcome, we know we will be okay. I think I am at the point where I am starting to make the conscious effort to start trusting again because I am beginning to see that no matter the outcome, I trust that I will be able to deal with it. 

This is such a nonsense rant I dont know what to make of it

1/9/18


Shoutout to the one who came into my life unexpectedly and make me feel like the luckiest. Its so funny how we've known each other all our lives, were platonic friends for years, tried setting each other up on dates with our friends, and ended up falling for each other in the end. There are still times when I just pause and laugh in disbelief because this is by far the biggest surprise in my life. 

Thank you for being my plus one and for loving me even at times when I am unlovable, 

So thankful that I get to spend the start of the year with my best friend and lover xx


2017


Stalked myself and came across this post from exactly a year ago and thought it would be fun to re-do the questions



WHAT WAS YOUR: 
1. last beverage: Ice Lychee Tea 
2. last phone call: Mom
3. last text message: my bebi eheh
4. last song you listened to: Secondhand serenade - Why
5. last time you cried: I forgot
HAVE YOU EVER: 
6. dated someone twice: no
7. been cheated on:  no
8. kissed someone & regretted it: no
9. lost someone special: yes
10. been depressed: yes
11. been drunk and threw up: yes
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 
12. mauve blush
13. navy
14. black
THIS YEAR, HAVE YOU: 
15. Made a new friend: yes
16. Fallen out of love: not this year
17. Laughed until you cried: yes
18. Met someone who changed you:yes 
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes 
20. Found out someone was talking about you: dont bother checking
21. Done anything you regretted: yes
22. How many people on your Facebook list do you know in real life: not sure
23. How many kids do you want to have: 2
24. Do you have any pets: yes 
25. Do you want to change your name: no
26. What did you do for your last birthday: went for japanese food and karaoke sesh 
27. What time did you wake up today: 8 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably asleep
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: as of now cant wait to be back in sydney
30. Last time you saw one of your parents: exactly 5 minutes ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I am happy right now
32. What are you listening to right now?: Rewrite the stars
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: no
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: none atm
35. Most visited webpage: youtube
36. Whats your real name: Katina 
37. Nicknames: Kat 
38. Relationship Status: attached
39. Zodiac sign: Gemini 
40. Male or female?: female 
41. Elementary: SIS 
42. Middle School:SIS 
43. High school/College: SJII > UNSW
44. Hair color: dark brown 
45. Long or short: long 
46. Height: 166 cm 
47. Do you have a crush on someone? yes
48: What do you like about yourself? I dont get embarassed easily
49. Hobby? Photography
50. Tattoos: maybe in the future

12/31/17



To say that 2017 was the most challenging would be the understatement of the year. I can say with complete certainty that exactly a year ago from today I am not the same person. If anything, 2017 was the year that taught me the importance of self evaluation. Ive had my fair share of mentally draining events, hard choices, impulsive behaviours, disappointments, but there is always the silver lining in each situation because in the end I get to learn more about myself. I like to think that for every struggle we faced we will emerge stronger and more resilient than before. 2017 was probably the year I cried myself to sleep the most, but it was also the year I laughed the loudest and felt the happiest Ive ever been. It made me question my old beliefs and also broadened up my perspectives about things. It showed me the uncertainty in life and how a year can bring in so many changes.
  It brought people into my life that I dont plan on taking for granted but most importantly as cheesy as it sounds it taught me self care and self love. Im only starting to grasp who I am as a person and Im so excited at what other challenges 2018 has to offer. 

11/19/17


Friends who've been with me long enough knows that I do spontaneous stuff when I have lots of thoughts in my mind. I am starting to think that it is my coping mechanism. It gets tired always having to stay on the safe side and stick to comfortable routines and these random burst of acts are kind of my lame attempt at being rebellious. 
One of the spontaneous stuff that I did these few months ( that I did not really regret) was finally dyeing my hair shades lighter than my original colour.

This was 6 months ago when my hair was still untouched


Picture reference inspiration lol, at the time I really wanted to try out silver or ash hair


Verdict : It turned out too light for my liking but over time I got used to it and really liked it!



Im home in medan just three days ago and parents convinced me to dye it back to a mahogany brown and to be honest I think I like it better this way

Who knows what other unplanned stuff I will do during my next one







History