As far as I remember I hate the season of waiting. The fear of the unknown or the unexpected paralyses me and consumes my whole head. It is funny how I usually can handle the unexpected much better than I give myself credit for. But the fear of change, the phase where I am acutely aware that things might not ever go back the same way, or not turn out the way I want to, can be very intense and exhausting. This can be related back to at least 80% of my life experiences, from preparing for the day of my presentation (consciously depleting my mental health), preparing for a short ldr from my boyfriend, the days before meeting new people..the list goes on. As you can tell, I am a very anxious person. It baffles me at times because more often than not, I am usually calm and collected when the change takes place. I adapt easily to changes, but I am also a very sentimental person. My adaptability does not mean I welcome changes, although in the end I know I will be better off. And all these times the main way I have been dealing with it was to 'self protect' myself by expect the worse. I used to think that by expecting the worst I would not be vulnerable to hurt, betrayal and disappointed but I quickly realised that while that may be true, I am also letting fear control my life.

Been watching Greys Anatomy and I have been loving all of their episodes. I like movies that I can learn or relate to and the subtle comments made by the characters in the scenes just tugs at my heartstrings lell

Reminder to myself