Writing in such a public space is like threading on a fine line between keeping my life private but still wanting to rant out my feelings. But here goes.
I dont know what it is but there are days I get back home after a seemingly normal day and just felt this huge wave of sadness and the loneliest feeling. It does not come frequently these days but when it does I just feel like burying myself under the blanket, light some candles, turn on my fairylights and watch some tedtalks. Sometimes I feel like maybe one of the reasons I get so tired and drained out is my inability to articulate the thoughts in my head in a coherent manner. I have always been a private person and I am fully aware that everyone has their own outlooks and perspectives of life, and I respect that. I am not the type to always voice out my opinions on things, I'd rather listen to other perceptions and gain a broader and in-depth understanding of the matter. However when put in a position where I had to defend myself, or when I feel that my perspective has been misinterpreted or being taken wrongly, I always fail to project my thoughts in a way that is easy to understand. And it is the saddest feeling, not feeling understood. And after some time you just get used to muffling it down inside and bottling emotions up and most of the time it worked just fine. But then again there are days like these, where you just feel so empty and hollow you are not even sad, just wished the right words could be said to you for once, just wished there is some cure for this lonely cycle.