1/10/18



If there is anything Ive promised myself to implement in the new year based on experiences from 2017, it is to build my walls even higher and to have less expectations in general. I also made a pact to myself not get attached to anything because good times or bad times, it doesn't matter, all of it will pass. But its equally important to remember its up to us to appreciate what we have while we have them. What Im trying to say is, acknowledge what you have now, things wont be the same in a year. 
Another thing that I learnt last year was to embrace the unknown. For 20 years of my life Ive always liked to play it safe; I love my routines,  I liked knowing what to expect ( I used to own a daily planner just so I could plan out my whole week). But Ive found out the hard way that no matter how dedicated or careful I am with my schedule, things never go as planned. The last few months of 2017 I ditched my planner and started just going with the flow, and so far it has been working great. 
 But the worst issue Ive been struggling with lately is about trust. There was a point a few months ago where I just laughed at how I used to give out trust to people so blindly and willingly. I hate saying this but Ive kind of develop a skeptical approach , and to be honest it has been emotionally exhausting, always expecting the worst to happen, always getting disappointed and further feeling stupid each time I get sad. Its an unnecessary painful cycle and just a while ago I realize that no matter how hard I try, there is no certain way or tell tale signs to truly know to trust a person or not. Trust isnt a feeling, but a conscious decision we make in putting faith in a situation/person regardless of the risk because no matter the outcome, we know we will be okay. I think I am at the point where I am starting to make the conscious effort to start trusting again because I am beginning to see that no matter the outcome, I trust that I will be able to deal with it. 

This is such a nonsense rant I dont know what to make of it

History